


Nothing Without You

by Raptyde



Series: Against All Odds [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cassian is not present of course, F/M, It matches with Jyn's grief, Jyn misses Cassian, One Shot, inspired by a song, you know why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12627879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raptyde/pseuds/Raptyde
Summary: Three months. That's how long it has been since the incident in Cloud City and the version of the slightly carefree Jyn Erso showed up.





	Nothing Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's me again. I have finally decided to write an Interlude before we go to Part 3. It's One-Shot and kinda shorter (Sorry!). I listened to Secondhand Serenade - Suppose and it gave me inspiration about this part of story, so I suggest you to listen to that song while reading it to get the feels ;(
> 
> Hope you like it!

_Suppose that I missed you_  
_Suppose that I care_  
_And suppose that I spent all my nights running scared_  
_And suppose that I was never there_

 _And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you_  
_And tonight I’m dreaming of all the things that we’ve been through_  
_And I can’t hold onto you_  
_So I guess I’ll be lonely too_

 _Suppose we were happy_  
_Suppose it was true_  
_And suppose there were cold nights but we somehow made it through_  
_And suppose that I’m nothing without you_

 

* * *

 

 

Three months. That's how long it has been since the incident in Cloud City and the version of the slightly carefree Jyn Erso showed up. Leia had once again reformed Rogue One unit despite the pro and con from the other Rebellion leaders. Some didn’t seem to agree with her decision to rescue just one man. _It isn’t priority_ , they had said. It was understandable considering the Rebellion’s current situation in this war. To them, every soldier was expandable, so they shouldn’t waste resource for the sake of one life. But Leia never backed down. Later she had finally convinced them that it would only take one team which was Rogue One, and Leia would take full responsibility of it.

 

Thinking and planning the rescue mission were the only things that kept Jyn going from bursting. Some people even began to describe her as a droid, well a very beaten droid. Her features didn’t change, only her eyes; once full of life turned to dull green. Dark circles were starting to get noticeable when someone stared at her face in a long period of time. That mostly occurs when she was in the presence of her close friends, or whoever dared to stare at her like that would get a punch in the face.

 

Speaking of her friends, surprising but not unwelcomed, Han and Chewie decided to stay with the Rebellion officially. Han was also given the rank, a Captain and currently in charge to lead Rogue One unit. Meanwhile Luke had temporarily left the Rebellion as soon as he was fully recovered from the injury. The only thing Luke told them was he wanted to complete his training to be a Jedi, knowing that he was still too weak to face Vader. And Bodhi, he and the other survivors from Rogue Squadron were assigned in the same cruiser as them. The former Imperial cargo pilot was shaken when he learned about Cassian’s fate. All of his previous joy and excitement to see Jyn and the others were suddenly replaced with sorrow. He went to Jyn and hugged her tightly as soon as he had absorbed the whole information, and when he noticed the fabric of his uniform got a little soaked afterwards, he would never mention it.

 

They knew it was difficult times for Jyn, knowing how much Cassian meant to Jyn. This tragedy changed her drastically. She didn’t smile anymore, she didn’t talk much. She was broken and she almost never wanted to talk about her feelings. Only Bodhi and Leia who managed to get through her layers in rare occasion. They would be the ones checking her up in her quarters whether she was alright or not when she was more closed off than usual.

 

Han and Chewie had tried to cheer her up sometimes, asking to play Sabacc just like what they liked to do back at Hoth. But Jyn never took the offer now. She merely told them that she didn’t have enough credit to play that game, which they all knew it was lie.

 

They have heard about her nightmares. It was revealed by the doctors that she was suffering insomnia. She sometimes made a visit to the medbay late at night to ask for sleeping pills. She never said about the detail, she just told the doctor that she desperately needed sleep.

 

…

 

The truth is, Jyn missed Cassian deeply.

 

Ever since she met him, they were inseparable. She had gotten very accustomed with his presence. He was always around her, always there when she needed him. But now each time she turned her head, expecting him there to smile at her, all she could see was an empty spot. She missed his soothing brown eyes that always looking at her like.. like she was the only thing mattered to him. She missed his smiles, the ones he threw only at her. She missed his soft accented voice that always her favorite sound. She missed his touch that could never fail to make her shiver. She missed everything about him.

 

She had known it that it would hurt her if she lost him. She had considered the consequences since she decided to open her heart to him. Yet she was unprepared the damage she had to endure, not that she would regret all the things she had been through with him. Cassian was the best thing happened to her miserable life. And now, once again life pulled a joke to snatch him from her. It felt like a part of her was missing. She wasn’t feeling like a whole person anymore.

 

She would admit, she was a real coward. She may look tough on the outside, but inside, there were certain walls that she hasn’t broken down yet. But, within the limited time she spent with Cassian, Jyn had learned how to demolish them, her fears. Jyn had learned how to become herself again. However, now without him, it seems that she had to find a way to rebuild those barriers as she was currently too exposed and fragile.

 

Jyn had tried her best to distract herself. She often threw herself hard into duty, working on their main rescue mission plan, taking small missions, training recruits, and other possible tasks she could take. Disapproval came from Leia, knowing that this wasn’t the ideal solution for her paranoia as well.

 

She had her own quarters this time, though probably it was Leia who set this up for her so Jyn would have privacy. Her quarters was not small or big. There was a desk with a chair, a wardrobe, and most importantly a private ‘fresher. It also got some breathtaking view from the window; another galaxy that was bound to be explored by anyone. The scenery was beautiful and could be soothing when you take your time to just admire it. It was funny how it looked like the galaxy was a peaceful place to live in, while the truth it was the cruelest.

 

Also what was good about her quarters in this large cruiser is that, it's basically sound proof. When she had a few drinks to loosen up, it enabled her to scream and curse to the celestial bodies for always giving her this awful fate. She knew how useless that may be, but it was her only idea for releasing her frustration; her anger, despair, longing, and regret: for not appreciating what she had in the first place; for always failed to keep everyone she loved close, specifically _Cassian_.

 

She still kept Cassian’s blue parka close to her, like she had claimed it as hers. In numerous occasions, Jyn went to duty wearing it. She told her friends because she was feeling a little bit cold, and they knew it was a lie. The parka might look silly in her, making her look less intimidating than usual. But she didn’t bother to care what she looked or what people thought. It wasn’t their damn business.

 

Most of the time, Jyn wore Cassian's parka in her sleep. With his scent still there, it provided her comfort she desperately needed. It felt like he was present, and it reminded her of their last night at Hoth where they shared a bed, sleeping in each other’s arms. This habit was enough to get her to sleep most nights, yet in some occasion the comfort wasn’t affecting her as nightmares eventually found a way get to her without mercy.

 

When she wasn’t planning to sleep, she would just sit in her bed with her legs pulled up so her chin could rest on her knees. She would just gaze at the view her quarters offered until morning, spending time just thinking about him. She wasn’t ashamed to talk alone in her room as if he could listen to her. She wondered if he wasn’t feeling anything just sleeping, or maybe what if he had been conscious just trapped in that block, waiting until someone let him free. She hoped the former.

 

She could hear her mother’s words, telling her to never stop trusting the Force. Even though she was still trying to have faith in the Force, she did pray anyway. Her prayer was always for keeping him alive, for giving her another chance with him. And Jyn promised over and over that she would not hold anything back when she had him in her arms once again.

 

_I’ve lost everyone I loved, please don’t take him from me. I beg you._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, I feel more bad for Jyn. I hate to hurt her like this.


End file.
